Communication Tips
Do you ever feel like you and your child are speaking two
different languages? If so, you aren't alone. Many parents
struggle to communicate with their child. Even adults
who work with children every day-teachers, coaches, club
leaders, etc.-sometimes need some communication tips.
Many times adults confuse communication with telling a
child what to do. Telling a child to do his homework or
get more sleep isn't really communication. It's important
information that your child needs, but it's lacking an
important part of communication. It's lacking the two-way
exchange of feelings and ideas. True communication takes
two people. The American Academy of Pediatrics states,
"Healthy communication-the kind that builds a strong
two-way bridge-is crucial in helping your child develop
a healthy personality and good relationships with you
and others. It gives your child a chance to become a happy,
safe, healthy person, no matter what happens."
So you know it's important, but how do you it? Effective
communication between parents and children is not always
easy. Children and adults have different communication
styles and different ways of responding in a conversation.
In addition, timing and place can determine how successful
communication will be. Parents should make time to talk
with their children in a quiet, unhurried manner. It's
also important that parents be ready to listen whenever
their child wants to talk, even it it's an inconvenient
time. The following tips are designed to make communication
more successful.
Listening (Check back in a couple months for more information
on listening!)
- Stop what you are doing and pay attention.
- Don't interrupt.
- Don't prepare what you will say while your child is
speaking.
- Reserve judgment until your child has finished and
has asked you for a response.
Looking
- Be aware of your child's facial expression and body
language. Is your child nervous or uncomfortable-
frowning, drumming fingers, tapping a foot, looking
at the clock? Or does your child seem relaxed-smiling,
looking you in the eyes? Reading these signs will
help parents know how the child is feeling.
- During the conversation, acknowledge what your child
is saying- move your body forward if you are sitting,
touch a shoulder if you are walking, or nod your head
and make eye contact.
Responding
- "I am very concerned about..." or "I
understand that it is sometimes difficult..."
are better ways to respond to your child than beginning
sentences with "You should," or "If
I were you," or "When I was your age we
didn't..." Speaking for oneself sounds thoughtful
and is less likely to be considered a lecture or an
automatic response.
- If your child tells you something you don't want to
hear, don't ignore the statement.
- Don't offer advice in response to every statement
your child makes. It is better to listen carefully
to what is being said and try to understand the real
feelings behind the words.
- Make sure you understand what your child means. Repeat
things to your child for confirmation.
Additional Resources
http://www.pta.org/parentinvolvement/parenttalk/pt_openingdoors.asp
http://www.medem.com/MedLB/article_detaillb.cfm?article_ID=ZZZ0EEGDH4C&sub_cat=106
http://www.aap.org/advocacy/childhealthmonth/talk2.htm
With your child, watch a TV show that portrays a family. Start
a discussion with her about how the family members communicate
with each other.
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